The Pharisee’s Lament

+Luke 15:1-3, 11-32 (prodigal son)

I am the older brother
looking down
a supercilious nose
at scum
I hoped to never see again.
How dare he!
drag the filth of pigpen
to our fine and honest house!

But I’m the pig!

I see that
in my father’s eyes
as he comes out to plead with me
–not that he scolds–
I see myself for who I am
compared to him.

I am the one who’s soiling
our home
with ugliness
and stench.

My brother has come clean–
but I have not.
I envy him!
Resentment still infects my heart
and poisons those I meet.

I am ashamed,
but pride entraps me
so that I cannot admit
that I am wrong,
cannot believe
that there is mercy
to restore
the likes of me.

I’d rather spend the night
in misery
here in the outer darkness
with the beasts
than join the feast.
This is my self-made hell
on earth.

Please pray for me!

Deep in my soul
I really do want
to come home
for the first time.

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